Emotional intelligence

I recently attended a 2 day workshop on Emotional Intelligence by Satish Mandora. I could connect more with it since I had received a feedback in October 2015 that my mind, body and soul were not in sync. I was also asked to improve my communication skills and be more aggressive. I think they meant to make me more assertive as I can never become an aggressive person to show anger and fire people. In the past, I had received feedback on looking for role clarity and becoming a facilitator as next level of growth for me. I am thankful to all my senior colleagues for all the feedback I have received in last 1 year. This was much more than I received in my previous roles probably because my knowledge has taken me to places I have been. It’s now upto creating the right attitude, skills, habit and strategy to take me to the next level. Its also important for me to do a lot of self talk to help my cause.

1. The 5 areas of EI are: Self Awareness, Self-Management (Self Regulation), Self Motivation, Social Awareness (Empathy) and Social Skills.
2. The Ice berg model has 4 levels, from top to bottom they are: Results, Behaviour, Feelings and Belief
3. The 4 classifications of Emotions are: Intolerable, Tolerable, Pleasurable and Too Pleasurable
4. In the equation A*B=C; A is Activating Event, B is Belief and C is Consequences.’
5. The learning that we have is in 4 phases (Learning cycle) :-

a. Unconscious incompetence ( don’t know cycling)

b. Conscious incompetence (know parts of cycle i.e. brakes, handles, etc.)

c. Conscious competence ( know cycling but less confidence at turns)

d. Unconscious competence ( complete knowledge and think other things while cycling)

6. 4-box model of Skill Will Matrix and the leadership styles

Things that I intend to do in future with the learnings

1. I will have a face to face interaction with colleagues to understand their “Iceberg model” of (his beliefs, feelings and behaviours”) and explain the results I expect from him.
2. Have “Expectations “clearly defined with roles and responsibilities and objectives
3. Share “concern” ,demonstrate “Confidence” in Colleagues abilities ( be in Pleasurable and Tolerable zone) and bring more Optimism in his behaviour
4. Treat colleagues with empathy during the discussion. Listen to him empathetically, appreciate his achievements and try to understand reason for his shortcomings /complaints without preconceived notion.
5. Try to guide Colleagues and improve his will and skill by guiding him
6. Use the 5 golden pairs i.e. ( Goals to set priorities, Consequences with different alternatives, discuss problems instead of blaming, discuss the person instead of behavior demonstrated and not labelling and regulating self behavior)
7. Move from becoming the big “I”(know it all), dot(know nothing) , small “i” (know something) to bundle of I’s ( know emotions)

I have decided on 3 goals related to health (exercise, marathon, swimming), finance (home, car) and social (writing book) outcomes that I will try to work in the coming days. Will keep updating the blog as I progress.

Visualization and Biographies

While walking through the Crossword Magazine store, the only intriguing fact for me was the Biography/ Autobiography section is getting larger.Perhaps its part of the fact that people want to read, visualize and empathize with the protagonists more than ever before.

There was another thought on TV that made me visualize that came from Amitabh Bachchan's story about his father.He had won the award of best actor in school and next year could not participate due to measles.His father sat with him in what could have been the parallel time of the school event for 3-4 hours.He said "If what you think happens, its good.But if what you think does not happens, its even good." This is because in the second scenario, God wanted something better to happen for you.

Another important biography with impact is about J R D Tata in "Beyond the last blue mountain".The fact that National interest could be so important part of the business intrigues me.

But the auto biogaphy which is currently ruling the charts is that of Sachin Tendulkar. Released recently, it shows how dedication and devotion for the game made the person be called as "God" of the game.

Taking all the above 3 in context of visualization, I think Sachin would have visualized his innings like crazy (eg. Perth test when he scored the century), JRD would have visualized the enterprise to be still in the greater good inspite of various conflicts with the politicians of the day and perhaps Bachchan with age has visualized that acting as his forte will take him to new levels of recognition.

Creating a mental image of where you want to be down the line helps in focussing the energy and attitude in the right direction.But one should not get the mental image as wishful thinking but a belief system for which one is constantly driven to achieve.

Hence its critical to visualize first and make them happen next.